New Year, New Me! (?) The last couple of months in 2019 have been very difficult. I’ve never felt more lost in my career, had major family problems that will remain undisclosed because I still think some things are meant to be kept private and respected, but I will say have been quite emotionally draining, and then I guess what felt like the last nail to the coffin: my beloved, MaQ, had suddenly died. Those that know me knew how much my German Shepherd meant to me. The loss has forever impacted my life. I am no longer the same person I once was.
So in today’s posts, I’m sharing my intentions for the future while also remembering the past. Now that my co-star is gone, the blog doesn’t feel the same without him. He was part of the reason why I had started this blog in the first place. And now I’m lost without him. I took the month of December off to mourn, reflect and sort out many unexpected circumstances resulting from what had occurred. Doing anything creative-wise was a no-go for me, as most holiday campaigns we’ve done in the past were with my boy. I still find it hard for me to be motivated or inspired right now. I’m deeply hurting but I know I’m not defeated. Time does heal wounds, and I know I will be needing it.
This month has brought so much insight for me. I’ve realized where I was heading into my career, unintentionally becoming an ‘influencer’, and all the while being relatively happy with collaborations/projects, what I became aware of was my dissatisfaction as well. I started to become more and more anxious as my following grew and I was more and more in the public eye. All I have ever wanted to do was create and in return, give people something to feel and think about. Even for only a fleeting second. My passions run deeper than just stylish outfits. However, I love expressing myself through fashion and beauty. But I’m first and foremost a writer and a photographer. And now that it really feels like an end to an era now that MaQ is gone, I cannot carry on as if nothing has happened. A part of my brand died too right along with him.
The legacy of MaQ will live on through my work. And in honor of my beautiful boy, MaQ + Suz will be transitioning from a blogging platform to a creative agency! It has been a big dream of mine for so long, and now the timing finally feels right. I am ready to embark on my new journey as a creative director. I will still share similar content as I have in the past, but going into 2020, the new goal is to create with brands but rather than having me be in front of the camera, I now will be more behind it! I also have a couple of very personal projects I’m working on and will not say much (would rather show you when it is ready) that will definitely be taking up a lot of my time. But a lot of my focus this year will be writing and photography. Now that the word is out, I’m excited for the next chapter in our story.
Last but not least, I incorporated this photoshoot for today’s post specifically because of the monochrome color. I’m feeling quite blue, as you can imagine, but also feel hopeful and at peace. The language of color is powerful and even though this outfit was photographed before MaQ’s passing, it’s ironically fitting for today’s message on the blog. Turquoise is a warmer hue of blue to me, and I found this color to be the best of both worlds when it comes to blue. Exactly like how I’m feeling: conflicted with mixed emotions, both good and bad. As always, you can shop the look down below or towards the end of this post. I want to thank everyone who has reached out the past month. This has been one of the hardest moments of my life and the friends who always have my back, your love, and support… there are no words. I’m just forever grateful.
