I Am Loved Because...

This post is sponsored by Helzberg Diamonds but the content and opinions expressed here are my own.

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What does love mean, really? Love is complex and quite hard to put down in words. In partnership with Helzberg Diamonds, I'm thrilled to share what love means to me in my life. I could go on forever when it comes to love, but in today's post, I will try to make it short and sweet. There's also a really fun contest with your chance to win a $250 gift card. So continue reading to hear more about my thoughts on love and how you can enter for your chance to win the prize.

I know I am loved because of our unconditional commitment we have for each other. To be fully seen by somebody, through all our failures, stupidities, ugly points, and even then, to be loved anyhow is a miracle in itself. But when it comes down to it - it really is a decision for me. My husband and I have been together for thirteen years. We have been through it all. People and circumstances have tried to break us apart, and through thick and thin we have always chosen each other. We put each other first in our lives and make our marriage a priority. Even when he asked me to marry him, I knew he was for real when he went out of his way to propose at one of my favorite places in New York City, the Met Opera. My love for the opera is unreal so even when I wanted to stop by and take some photos together, specifically for today's shoot, he was more than happy to do so. It's little things like this that also affirm I'm very much loved.

Love is at the heart of what Helzberg stands for. When Barnett Helzberg Jr. proposed to Shirley Bush in 1967, the love he felt sparked a thought - everyone should feel like this. Everyone should feel loved. This wholly romantic notion famously inspired the "I Am Loved" lapel button. Helzberg Jr.’s would say, “Buy her a diamond or give her a button, but in any case, tell her she's loved. Share a photo with #IAmLovedContest and finish the sentence "I know I am loved because..." for a chance to win a $250 gift card to Helzberg Diamonds. See your submission and the official rules HERE.

LOVE & XX’S,

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Engagement Shoot – Hilja & Tom

TOM & HILJA – PORTRAITS BY SUZANNE SPIEGOSKI

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I've known Hilja for nearly 25 years. We met as young kids at a track meet both competing in the chin-up/pull-up category. But it wasn't until six months later where we crossed paths once more  - this time at a skating rink and became inseparable. Growing up together she has always been like a sister to me and is one of my closest and dearest friends. So, when she told me was coming to New York with her fiancé, Tom, I wanted to do an engagement shoot as their wedding present.

While growing up in Detroit like myself, Hilja met Tom while in grade school. But a romance didn't brew until way later when they reconnected as adults. I'm a firm believer in all the twists & turns that life will lead you to, like moments such as this, where sometimes you don't even know what's been under your nose the entire time. Love ain't easy and I think one has to go through a lot in order to know who and what they want. And with these two, I haven't seen such a happy couple in so many years.

One of the reasons for their visit to New York was for Tom's birthday and part of his gift was a trip to Madison Square Garden to watch his favorite college basketball team, Duke, play. And being that they are both from the Motor City, I wanted to embody their laid-back but gritty attitude. So the first part of the shoot, I took them to Alphabet City and shot in an empty basketball court. This was an easy-breezy moment before the second part of the photo shoot.

I was adamant in shooting part of their engagement series on Top of the Rock during their visit here in New York around the holidays. But on that particular day, there was so much fog there was literally zero visibility. The staff even forewarned us – suggesting we exchange our tickets to another day. My stubborn streak never ceases to shine through and because it was the last day of their visit, I pushed for it anyway. 

"Maybe we'll get lucky," I thought. 

Going up I had anxiety. You can't control Mother Nature and I was concerned we may be going up but with no NYC skyline. However, when shooting you got to go with the flow. As we started to warm up for our shoot and ease into our environment, the clouds parted and a beautiful incandescent light emerged from above. Much like the weather, you cannot control love and all that comes with it. A definite blessing from the universe. What a day. Are you a believer in spiritual energies as such?

Hilja and Tom will be married In Michigan come this fall. I feel so honored to be a part of her wedding and for our friendship. Life has thrown us many curveballs (even really bad airballs if you will) but we have been there for each other through the thick and thin. Seeing her full of life and joy brings me much happiness. I can't wait to see what the future has in store for all of us! To many more years of love & laughter, adventures and more. I love you guys!

P.S. Want to see more lovey-dovey couple photos? Click here.  

LOVE & XX'S,

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Happy Birthday Mom

Gone but never forgotten, forever in our hearts.

It's always a bittersweet day for me the day after Valentine's. Today would have been my mother's 60th birthday. Every year I try talking myself into breaking free and 'letting go' of acknowledging or even remembering certain dates and occasions associated with her and the rest of my family, but each time, 365 days later, my feelings are only stronger than ever before in keeping the spirit of her and others loved ones alive. No matter how painful it may be, I cannot help but celebrate and honor them. Who I am is all because of my parents. How could I ever forget about them?

Together at Newport Beach, 1992. I miss you. I love you, Ma.

There was a powerful scene between Enid and Glenn from last night's season premiere of The Walking Dead. [SPOILER ALERT] By the way, IMO, this was probably one of the best episodes in the entire series. If you don't watch the show because it's all about violence and zombies, then you are mistaken. The entire show, really, is a story of how people respond to unimaginable horror. Some simply don’t have the backbone for it, some thrive in it, and others have their fates decided at their own personal snapping point, the point at which they change. While searching for supplies inside a church together, Enid finds a scripture written on the wall from James 2:26, "Faith without works is dead." Enid tells Glenn that, in terms of fleeing or fighting, she wanted to run before they had reached the church. Glenn immediately explains that's how you lose people. Even after they're gone. Confused, Enid asks what he means by that and he replies with, "The people you love made you who you are. If you stop being you, that last bit of them that's inside of you is gone." Faith without works is dead faith because the lack of works reveals an unchanged life or a spiritually dead heart. There are many Scriptures that make it very clear that true saving faith will result in a transformed life, which is demonstrated by the “works” we do. So to me, if you change as a person, even if it's trying to hide the pain deep inside you, you will not grow or strengthen as a person let alone survive. Death is certain, life is not. If I stop remembering who I love and where I came from, I'm not sure who I'd be anymore. For me, it's not even an option.

My mother's Freedom III Minolta Film Camera 📷.

Just two peas in a pod. Mermaid girls. 🌊

In other words, you can't run from the pain. Go towards it. Most people who don't know me on a personal level think I got my passion for photography from my husband. The truth is, he has definitely had an influence on me, but the first person to ever peek my interest in photography was my mother. She was also the first person to get me a camera. And when I sift through the photos she'd taken over the years, one thing is true. She had quite an eye, actually, she was exceptional. Perhaps (or at least I'd like to think) that's where I inherited my 'eye'. My father wasn't half-bad either as you can see from the photos he took of us.

My mother was such a babe! Forever Young, California Dreamin'. 1992.

I still have the camera she used through those years we had together. It's an old point-and-shoot film camera, a Freedom III Minolta, that I still use it from time to time, but only for special occasions. Film is just too darn expensive these days. But you see all these photos of my mother and I on the beach in today's post? They're all from the same camera! How cool is that? Call me a sentimental fool, but these memories are all I have left. And I don't care what anyone says, I will cherish them until the day I die. It's important for me to show these photographs to my own children one day too, as it is just as imperative for them to know where they come from, going back many generations. #KoreanPride 🇰🇷🇰🇷🇰🇷

Forever with Me. ❤️

Souvenirs, souvenirs...

When I was going through the photos I have of me and my mother today, I wanted to pick a warmer, summer-like theme. It's Monday, I've got the Winter Blues, and I miss my West Coast Cali girl vibes! Even though it always makes me a little sad looking at some of the photos, I couldn't help but smile remembering some good times from this California trip. I was in second grade and it was the very first time I'd gotten on a plane. I remember our layover in Chicago. I remember losing my favorite stuffed animal from this vacation, and was nearly heartbroken from never finding him. I remember it was the first time my mother's parents met my Dad. They didn't speak English so my mother was their personal translator. I remember grandpa catching something while fishing with my dad, and as an elder, he had trouble reeling in what seemed to be Moby Dick! My Dad assisted him with the line and when he pulled it up enough for everyone to finally see what is was, a baby hammerhead shark hung from the hook! Seconds after our discovery, a hungry duck swam by and snatched the shark for lunch! We laughed and laughed and laughed until our bellies hurt. Well... everyone except the boys who lost their 'prize'! Ha! Ha!

난 당신 에게 엄마 사랑. 🌺

My mother's Korean name is Sun-Hui (pronounced Sun-Hee) but when she came to the States everyone had trouble pronouncing it so she just told 'em to call her, 'Sunny'. If you ever had the pleasure of meeting her, you knew why that nickname was perfectly suited for her. I even inherited her Americanized name, being my middle name is 'Sunny'. I miss her dearly but I know that she lives on through me and my brother. I can't wait to see her again, and this I know for sure. My faith can never be broken. Until then, keep shining down with your Light & Love, Ma. Happy Birthday. I miss you. I love you. Always. From your lil' 하마 xoxo.

I love you, ma. 💕

Love & xx's,

10 Years in New York City - Part 2

Friday's post was about the lessons I've learned from living in New York City from the past decade. Today I'm sharing with you what I did on my 10-year anniversary! First, I wanted to walk the Brooklyn Bridge with my favorite boys and take in the scenic view of my city (and to take some photos of course). It was pretty cold that day but I always find find this bridge especially to be so awe-inspiring. Talk about a landmark! Plus MaQ has never visited the Brooklyn Bridge before! I knew now was a good time as any, and it was such a treat for everyone. I really enjoy sharing as many experiences as I can with MaQ in the city of New York, he is after all a NYC dog!

MaQ & the Brooklyn Bridge. Doesn't he look majestic AF? :)

Brooklyn Bridge, you beaut. <3

Brooklyn Bridge, New York City, New York, January 2016.

It's only about a 40 minute walk from the Brooklyn bridge to our apartment in the East Village so we walked our way back up. That's what makes commuting with a large German Shepherd rather difficult. He can't just take the subway or hop a ride on a bus. Same situation with restaurants (unless there's outdoor seating available if the weather permi). But walking through the streets of New York is also one of my favorite things to do with my furry man. I just love watching the world go by and he loves greeting them. On our walk up we made a couple pit stops to check out some graffiti and street art, something I've been documenting though the years with MaQ. As you can see in the photo below with Danielle Mastrion's incredible portrait, he is a natural born model. I also really love the first photo of this post because some of things I cherish most in life are apparent in it. Art, love, life, even rock music. New York, you are just supremely awesome. I can't believe how lucky I am to live here every day!

My husband surprised me for lunch at Cipriani Downtown. It's one of my favorite restaurants in New York. It's a more casual version of Harry Cipriani, and Downtown offers a slightly less formal menu than its uptown predecessor. Beautifully designed, the restaurant offers outdoor dining when the weather is agreeable, serving lunch and dinner in a party-like atmosphere. Not to mention the hip artwork and gorgeous people surrounding you as you dine. We shared the tuna tartar while downing their well-known Bellinis, a famous staple of Cip's. They're are the absolute best. For our main course, I had their scampi asparagus risotto and the hubby went for some delicious gnocchi. Like I've mentioned before, I'm a foodie and unfortunately foodie addicts like myself will sometimes forget to take photos of all our food that's to be enjoyed. Oops. :X All I have to tell you is it was damn good.

Cipriani Downtown, New York City.

Cheers to the best Bellinis in the world!

Cipriani's Tuna Tartar. One word. Amazing.

I chose where to have dinner. On my very first night in New York, ten years ago, I went out partying like a mad woman until the wee hours of the morning before finally stopping at a 24-hr open Korean restaurant in K-Town. It was a blast. But fast forward ten years later, I wanted Korean again, but I wanted something a bit more upscale. We're talking a big celebration, y'all! I wanted the ultimate dining experience with a fantastic view. Enter: Gaonnuri. A penthouse-level joint (39th floor) in K-Town, this stylish Korean eatery offers panoramic views & tabletop BBQ. The meat was top quality; the service, impeccable. And the views were out of this world. I really want to try their Black Forest Cake on Fire dessert, but I was far too stuffed my first time around. A true gem I discovered in the heart of Koreatown and because of my sweet tooth (and hungry fatty-status), I will definitely be coming back soon! Very soon. :) 

Empire State Building lit up in red and green.

Now, THIS is Korean BBQ. :)

Spectacular views from K-Town!

With all these celebrations I'm left feeling remindful of what's important. Sure I have a tendency to get caught up in my work, but that shouldn't be a reason not to enjoy the little things. For example, I haven't been to a New York museum in a few years (YIKES), I itch a blog post coming up on this very soon... stay tuned! Thanks for stopping by and we wish you a great start to your week! :)

Love & xx's

10 Years in New York City - Part 1

Woah, it's official! This week marks my ten year anniversary living in New York City! I'm incredibly proud to finally be able to call myself a real New Yorker! In the past decade, I've changed careers twice, wrote my first novel, found MaQ, the German Shepherd dog I've always wanted since I was a child, and married the man of my dreams. Phew! But it's true what they say, "If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere." One helluva ride, I've been doing a lot of reflecting over the past decade of my life and how far I've come. It's been a very humbling experience and New York has helped me grow in ways I didn't even know were possible. So, here are 10 things I've learned on my journey as a New Yorker.

Brooklyn Bridge.

1. YOU BETTER WORK!

RuPAUL, you are preaching to the choir! Living in NYC is ridiculously expensive and everyone out here wants their fair-shared bite out of the Big Apple. But in order to party hard, you better work even harder. And I mean you better work like you've never worked in your entire life! I've been working since the age of 12 and nothing ever came easy for me. For many years, I've held down 2 to 3 jobs at once all the while working on other projects like my novel or whipping up some new recipes or coming up with a new photographic series. I've worked my butt off to get to where I am today. And that kind of work ethic is vital to be able to live here. It's not even an option.

2. LOVE WHAT YOU DO.

Words are my life and have always been my gateway to outward expression and my release from the trials and tribulations of life. I had dabbled in creative writing such as short stories and some poetry during my adolescence, even getting a few of my poems published while in college. So, I started writing again after transplanting myself from the Motor City to the island of Manhattan. It was like a lightning bolt had struck me, straight to the core. Immediately I knew I wanted to take my writing more seriously. This could be my way of helping and contributing to society and most importantly, do something I love doing, no matter how long it was going to take to work my way towards becoming an established writer. Here if you want it bad enough you'll do it for free, but my firm belief is never work for money and/or success. Your work should feel significant and meaningful to you. Work for a cause, not for applause. The money will follow. Hard work pays off, for real though!

3. CAN'T READ MY POKER FACE.

Ever hear how New Yorkers aren't the smiling type? It's true. Sort of. We're honest folks, pretty blunt actually in it's truest and rawest form. New Yorkers are not about letting people know too much of their business because most people don't care, they're just curious. Nosey. Nobody's got time for that! They want to see you do good (perhaps), but never better than them - something I will never understand. I'm everyone's cheerleader! Why would you want someone to lose rather than win? Because it's an extremely competitive town and after a few years even, being in the Concrete Jungle, I think a person is only bound to build that "don't mess with me" type of NYC mentality. Plus it wards off the cacklers, trollers, fakes and haters of the world while keeping yourself in check!

4. THE FOOD HERE IS UNLIKE ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD.

I may be tiny and petite, but I can eat like a horse. I LOVE FOOD. But my upbringing, in terms of food experience, wasn't very eclectic. I grew up mostly on Korean and American food. As a kid, The Olive Garden and Red Lobster were considered one of the 'nicer' restaurants. But living in NYC where the culinary melting pot is literally right outside your apartment, is one of my greatest pleasures living here. Never have I eaten better or with more wonder and joy than I have in the past ten years. NYC really does have every type of ethnic cuisine you can imagine and I've learned so much about cooking and food in general. Okay, now I need to stop talking about this. My stomach's growling. ;-) But seriously, you haven't had food until you've been to New York!

5. OOEY GOOEY ROMANCE AT IT'S FINEST

When I think of all the sights and sounds of the city, I am filled with so many memories (good and bad, and just downright ugly) of my past relationships. New York City is a great place to be single, but I think it's an even better place to fall in love. Two different types of people with two different types of perspectives, equals countless hours of exploring the city. Different parts of the city. Sure it's great to do some solo-adventuring, but it's the best when shared with someone you deeply love. Some of my favorite memories are nestled in this gorgeous town with the love of my life. My husband and I met in the East Village, he proposed at the Metropolitan Opera and we married in Central Park at Strawberry Fields, right on top of the John Lennon, 'Imagine' memorial. For me, the city brings out your romantic side, at full speed! Unforgettable moments. For reals.

6. NOTHING GOES AS PLANNED.

My dad used to say, "If you want to make God laugh, just tell Him your plans." My five year plan after college was to join the police force. (I know, what?! I'll tell y'all about it another time.) Obviously I changed my mind, ha ha! I'm very thankful for all the experiences that I've gained from the different jobs I've had through the years. I'm constantly evolving as a person, and I think all that personal growth from work has helped mold me into who I am today. When I stopped trying to plan my life down to every single detail, the better life has become. Not to say that you should be some irresponsible hot mess, but unplanned events, both positive or negative, can lead to wonderful things. Don't try so hard because life really does have a funny way of working things out. Letting go can be very powerful. Everything will fall into place whether you like it or not!

New York City Skyline.

7. DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU HOW TO LIVE HERE.

Life in NYC is not at all like the way the TV and big screen depict it. It's the fashion capital of the world, but not everyone is running around like Carrie Bradshaw. People dress the way they want to dress. New Yorkers do what they want to do and they do what they got to do too. This place can eat you alive, so never try to live by someone else's way. Be authentic and be true to yourself, through thick and thin, because the city life can get pretty stressful. Sometimes too much it seems. But don't give up. Be real to yourself. If you are, no matter what difficulties life wants to throw your way, you'll be able to figure it out. Look at how much pressure goes into making a diamond! That's the beauty of New York, you never know what can happen!

8. STAY CONNECTED BUT WATCH YOUR BACK.

It's all about who you know in this town but if that means having to force yourself in dealing with highly toxic people, walk away. You don't have to sacrifice your dignity or integrity for anyone or anything. That's far too important, to me at least, and life's too short. Work with those you can grow and learn from. If they're not bringing anything to the table and it's just negative, time to move on. You deserve better. It's tough being appreciated here, because the city of New York doesn't owe you anything. It's nothing personal and no one's perfect after all, but this shouldn't make you have to short-list what you feel is fair or right for yourself. Networking and staying connected is an imperative tool in New York, but that doesn't mean there's no snakes in the grass.

9. MAKE TIME AND SPACE FOR YOURSELF.

I will forever be a city girl at heart. The idea of living in the middle of nowhere with not much to do is a little nerve-wrecking to me. In my opinion that's too much space! But sometimes the city feels like there's not enough space. Trust me, you know what I'm talking about if you've ever squeezed into a subway car train during rush hour like sardines in a can! There is no sense of personal space in the city. So it's good to take a retreat every once in a while. I always feel rejuvenated and revived after spending some quiet time with nature and being outdoors. It does the body and soul good. :)

10. LIVING IN NYC VS. BEING IN NYC

Ambition means more in this town than talent, but that shouldn't deter you from having some kind of social life. Don't just work, play! There's a million and one things to do in NYC and one of the biggest perks living here is being able to do them. I've been to the Brooklyn Bridge many many times, but I particularly wanted to walk it with my boys on my ten year anniversary living here. It is such an epic landmark and was quite the New York moment to have. Make the most of this city because you never know what tomorrow will bring.

My city, my town. New York City Forever, baby!

Well, New York - I made it. And on my own terms. Feeling pretty groovy and happy to be alive. Keep banging. I will always love you. (But not without my whips and chains, you naughty city you! I need to straighten you out from time to time!) :P

Cheers to the greatest city in the world! Stay tuned for Part 2 of my NYC anniversary extravaganza! ♥

Love & xx's